How to Build Stronger Relationships

The Story of Two Friends

Nick and James have been friends for years. Nick is the life of the party, always up for an adventure. James is more reserved, preferring to plan ahead.

They decide to go on a joint holiday with their families. They agree to split the work: Nick will book the campsites and James will plan the meals.

On the day their vacation is to start, Nick is excited and looking forward to having fun together. He was a little busy with work and didn't ask for a confirmation of their camping reservation until the last minute. James knows his friend well and has a backup campsite ready just in case, but it turns out to not be necessary. Nick gets the confirmation email just in time, minutes before they leave together for their vacation.

Should One of Them Change?

Some people might think Nick should straighten up and take better care of details. Others might think James should learn to loosen up and enjoy himself.

What if neither of them needs to change? What if instead, we allowed them to function the way they have—as two people with different personalities who both have strengths and weaknesses?

There's a reason they've been best friends so long. They recognize one another's strengths and weaknesses, and have learned to help each other out.

Perhaps it's like Helen Keller said, "The highest result of education is tolerance."

The Value of Diversity

Diversity makes teams stronger and relationships more interesting. We can all help make the places where we work and live more tolerant and accepting. After all, it would a dull and non-productive world if we were all the same. Of all the skills we need to function in the world, being able to get along with others is the most essential.

7 Rules for Strong Relationships

Here are some powerful rules for having good relationships, both at work and in your personal life:

1. People are different and that's okay. Each one of us has a unique personality with strengths and weaknesses. The point isn't to get people to change. The point is to learn ourselves and each other, so that we can work together well.
2. Everyone has something to offer. The best way to be invaluable to your team is to show up as your full self and offer them who you are. This is why acceptance is so important. In order for people to feel safe sharing themselves, they need to know that they will be valued as they are.
3. Don't waste time comparing yourself to others. If we embrace our differences and value what each person has to offer, comparisons no longer make any sense. We are all valuable. Instead of competing, we choose to support and enhance one another's strengths.
4. Be yourself. When people form tolerant and accepting relationships with each other, everyone feels empowered to be themselves. This makes the most of each person's strengths and allows others to help them with areas in which they may not be as strong.
5. Listen more than you talk. This is a good rule for all interactions with others. When we approach others with curiosity and genuine acceptance, we are eager to hear what they think and how they feel.
6. Respect other people's opinions, even if you don't agree with them. Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." It's one thing to claim to accept others; it's another thing to open your mind to their ideas. True acceptance requires us all to be vulnerable, both those who share ideas and those who listen.
7. Don't criticize or judge others. Nothing shuts down a diverse team more quickly than criticism and judgment, especially in reaction to a mistake. Face it, we all make mistakes sometimes. It is part of being human. If there is an area where there could be more growth, focus on the positives of that growth, not on shortcomings.

As the writer Chery Strayed said, "You will learn a lot about yourself if you stretch in the direction of goodness, of bigness, of kindness, of forgiveness, of emotional bravery."

Call to Action

Review the rules for strong relationships. Are you practicing these rules? What can you do to foster stronger relationships in your life?

The UpCloseTeam offer tools and support for exploring personality styles. Check out our Discover You webpage to learn more.

Your Friends,
The UpCloseTeam