Value Judgements and Self-Understanding

So often we look to others to help us understand ourselves. We wait for our manager to champion our ideas or our co-workers to notice our talents. Feedback from others is something we all need. But have you considered the feedback you give to yourself?

"No factor is more important in people's psychological development and motivation than the value judgments they make about themselves." - Nathaniel Branden (psychologist)

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Listen to Yourself

The first step in building self-esteem is to listen closely to the things you say to yourself. A powerful exercise is to spend 5 minutes each day for one week in quiet reflection, simply listening to the thoughts that come into your head. What do you think about yourself? Write it down. Then, at the end of week, you can take stock. We live inside our heads and yet we do not always pay attention to the thoughts we carry.

Even the most confident amongst us sometimes harbour bad thoughts about themselves. We can sometimes say things to ourselves we would never say to a friend. We hold ourselves to high standards and recognize our shortcomings readily.

But if we do this without awareness, we can develop low self-esteem. This puts the brakes on achievement and can hold us back from happiness. John C. Maxwell calls this The Law of the Mirror.

6 Ways to Build Self-Esteem

Here are 6 ways to build your self-esteem. Some of these ideas may surprise you:

• Don't listen to everything you think. If a negative message comes into your head, stop for a moment and redirect your thinking. Some of the things we tell ourselves are simply wrong. Other things are unfair. Out of kindness to yourself, it is important listen to the messages and adjust them if they are harmful.
• Don't compare yourself to others. We are each a unique on-going experiment. No matter how tempting it might be to compete with others, you will gain more by taking care of yourself. As Brene Brown says, "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do."
• Hold compliments warmly in your heart. When someone acknowledges a positive quality that you have, savour the moment. It is not arrogant to celebrate your talents. If necessary, write the compliments down in a file and refer to them if you are losing sight of your value.
• Affirm your worth. We often list areas of improvement, but may not take the time to list our strengths. Self-esteem is founded on self-awareness. When we know our gifts, we value them.
• Accept yourself as you are. We are all a combination of positive and challenging attributes. We have good days and bad. Life can take us to places we did not intend and force us to grow in ways we would not have welcomed. It helps to have one forever friend and that forever friend is yourself.

Call to Action:

Pick three of the suggestions for building self-esteem and try them out for one week.

Let us know how it goes. We always welcome your feedback and experiences.

Your Friends,
The UpCloseTeam